**BREAKING: FOWL PLAY ROCKS CONNECTICUT AS TWO VULTURES FOUND “TOO DRUNK TO FLY”**
In a bizarre incident that has left wildlife experts clucking with confusion, two vultures were discovered stumbling around a quiet Connecticut neighborhood, utterly incapable of flight due to an apparent case of avian intoxication.
The vultures, identified as 32-year-old “Vic” and his 29-year-old sidekick, “Vinnie,” were found reeling in a resident’s backyard in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Witnesses described the scene as “absolute pandemonium” as the two birds stumbled about, squawking incoherently and flapping their wings wildly.
“I was getting ready for work when I heard a strange noise coming from outside,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “I looked out the window and saw these two vultures stumbling around, bumping into each other, and face-planting into a trash can. I thought I was hallucinating from too much coffee!”
According to eyewitnesses, the vultures appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance, with one witness claiming they smelled “a pungent aroma of fermented fruit and despair.”
When questioned about the incident, a Connecticut Wildlife official, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, “We’re not sure what these birds got their beaks on, but it’s clear they won’t be winning any awards for ‘Most Sober Birds’ anytime soon.”
The vultures were eventually taken into custody and transported to a local wildlife rehabilitation center, where they are currently undergoing treatment for their, ahem, “fowl” condition.
As for Vic and Vinnie, their flying days are likely on hold for the time being. “We’re just trying to get them sober and back on track,” said a rehabilitation center spokesperson. “Who knows, maybe they’ll learn to stick to the birdseed and avoid the bird-booze.”
