**BREAKING: JOEY “THE HOT DOG HULK” CHESTS AN IMPOSSIBLE 83 DOGS IN RECORD-BUSTING FEAT!**
In a jaw-dropping, stomach-churning display of gastronomic gluttony, Joey Chestnut of the United States devoured a mind-boggling 83 hot dogs in a single sitting, shattering the previous record and leaving rival Takeru Kobayashi of Japan in a cloud of condimental despair.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “apocalyptic” as Chestnut, fueled by a seemingly bottomless stomach and an unquenchable thirst for encased meats, inhaled dog after dog, bun and all. The usually stoic Kobayashi, a 14-time Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest champion, was seen stumbling away from the table, his eyes wide with horror, as Chestnut continued to chomp down hot dog after hot dog with all the finesse of a ravenous velociraptor.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said a visibly shaken emcee. “Joey was like a hot dog-eating machine, just shoveling them in with reckless abandon. I’m pretty sure I saw him eat a whole pack of buns in one go. It was like he had a hot dog-shaped hole in his stomach that just kept swallowing them whole!”
As the crowd watched in a mix of awe and terror, Chestnut powered through bun after bun, topping his previous record by a whopping 10 dogs. The astonishing display of competitive eating prowess has left many wondering if the human stomach has an actual limit to its elasticity.
When asked about his record-breaking binge, Chestnut simply shrugged and said, “Hey, someone’s gotta do it. And that someone is me, the Hot Dog Hulk. Bring on the mustard, relish, and stomach acid – I’m ready for the next challenge!”
The usually stoic Kobayashi, meanwhile, was seen fleeing the scene, muttering something about “never eating hot dogs again” and “seeking therapy.”
In related news, shares of hot dog bun companies and stomach acid manufacturers have skyrocketed in the past 24 hours.
