**BREAKING: SALMON-GEDDON STRIKES! COMPANY OFFERS $45-PER-FISH BOUNTY ON 27,000 ROGUE SALMON ON THE LOOSE!**
In a bizarre incident that has left marine biologists baffled and local residents giggling, a staggering 27,000 salmon have escaped from a fish farm in the Pacific Northwest, sending the community into a frenzy. The salmon, described as “furious” and “clearly not having a good day,” have been spotted swimming up rivers, down streets, and even doing impressions of dolphins on the beach.
In response to the Great Salmon Escape of 2023, the company responsible for the fish farm has announced a bounty of $45 per fish returned. Yes, you read that right – $45 per fish! That’s a total of $1,215,000 if all 27,000 salmon are caught and returned.
“We’re not sure what possessed them to stage a mass escape, but we’re offering a pretty fin-tastic incentive for anyone willing to help us wrangle them back,” said a spokesperson for the company. “We’re talking pizza parties, beach bonfires, and possibly even a salmon-themed amusement park ride – all in the name of catching these wayward fish.”
Local residents have taken to social media to share their encounters with the rogue salmon, with one resident claiming to have seen a salmon doing yoga on her front lawn. “I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee, and then I saw this salmon in downward-facing dog,” she said. “I mean, I’ve heard of ‘finding your inner peace,’ but this is ridiculous!”
As the search for the escaped salmon continues, authorities are urging citizens to remain calm but vigilant. “If you see a salmon, don’t try to tackle it yourself,” warned a local sheriff. “Just call us, and we’ll send over a team of highly trained fish wranglers. And maybe a few therapists – those salmon are clearly traumatized.”
In related news, the local economy is booming, with sales of fishing gear, aquatic-themed merchandise, and (curiously) yoga mats skyrocketing.
**UPDATE:** The company has just announced that it will also offer a special ” Salmon-Catcher-of-the-Year” award, complete with a year’s supply of sushi and a trophy shaped like a giant salmon. If you think you have what it takes to catch the most fish, get ready to reel in the rewards!
