**BREAKING: Starbucks Korea Declares War on Desktop Computers, Printers**
In a shocking move, Starbucks Korea has announced a nationwide ban on customers bringing desktop computers and printers into their stores. The coffee giant claims that the decision is necessary to prevent “excessive productivity” and maintain a “relaxing atmosphere” for customers.
According to sources, the ban was sparked by a group of rogue customers who had been using Starbucks as a makeshift office, complete with a 10-foot-long extension cord, a mini-fridge, and a stapler. Witnesses described the scene as “a siege of spreadsheets” and “a tidal wave of toner.”
“We just can’t have people turning our stores into office cubicles,” said a Starbucks spokesperson. “It’s just not what we’re about. We’re here to provide a welcoming space for people to enjoy a cup of coffee, not to crank out TPS reports.”
The ban, which went into effect immediately, has left many customers scrambling to find alternative workspaces. “I was in the middle of a critical project and now I have to take my laptop to the park,” said one disgruntled customer. “I guess I’ll just have to sacrifice my productivity for the sake of a decent cup of coffee.”
In a bizarre twist, Starbucks Korea has announced that it will be offering a special “Desktop-Free Zone” loyalty program, which rewards customers for not bringing their desktops and printers into stores. Perks include free drinks, extra foam, and a complimentary smug expression.
As one customer quipped, “I’m just glad I didn’t bring my fax machine. That would have been a real faux pas.”
**UPDATE:** In response to the backlash, Starbucks Korea has announced that it will be offering a special “Desktop-Printer Combo” drink, which includes a venti-sized coffee, a free desktop computer, and a printer. However, there’s a catch: customers have to promise not to use them in the store.
