Gainesville, Florida- In breaking news today, the University of Florida has announced that it will once again be sending out search parties to locate the elusive goat population that has been rumored to be living on campus.
Despite numerous previous attempts to locate these furry woodland creatures, they have managed to evade capture and have remained at large for an indeterminable amount of time.
In response to mounting pressure from students and faculty alike, the university announced that it will once again be conducting a thorough search of the campus in hopes of finally discovering the location of these mysterious goats.
Speaking on the matter, University spokesperson, Sarah Jenkins, stated, “We are aware of the ongoing concerns about the goats on campus and we have decided to renew our efforts to locate them. We want to assure our students and faculty that we take this matter very seriously and that we will do everything in our power to locate these beloved animals”.
Despite the university’s assurances, many students are skeptical about the effectiveness of the new search, citing previous failures to locate the goats as evidence of a larger conspiracy at play.
“I just don’t understand how they can claim to be doing everything in their power to find these goats, but then they can’t seem to locate them”, said sophomore biology major, Rachel Henderson.
Others have speculated that the goats may have formed a secret society, hidden from the prying eyes of the university’s search teams.
“They’re obviously too smart for us”, said senior political science major, John Cho. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a whole underground network set up by now”.
Despite these conspiracy theories, the university remains steadfast in their dedication to locating the goats.
“We will search every inch of this campus if we have to”, Jenkins assured the public. “We will leave no stone unturned in our quest to find these goats”.
The search is set to begin next week, with teams of experienced goat hunters being flown in from around the country to assist in the effort.
In the meantime, students are being encouraged to keep an eye out for any signs of goat activity on campus, and to report any sightings to university officials immediately.
“We need all hands on deck for this one”, Jenkins said. “Together, we can finally put an end to this goat mystery once and for all”.
