Really? A Record-Breaking Great Dane? Groundbreaking.
So, we’re celebrating this now? A dog being tall? I mean, really? Apparently, a female Great Dane from Connecticut has achieved “worlds tallest” status. Let’s just pause for a moment and collectively consider the sheer… significance of that statement. We’ve conquered space travel, unlocked genetic secrets, developed vaccines against devastating diseases, and what are we doing? Awarding certificates to oversized canines.
Seriously, folks, this is peak human achievement apparently. A dog reaching 32 inches at the shoulder. Im practically weeping with awe. I bet she eats a lot of kibble too. And requires industrial-strength squeaky toys. It’s probably a logistical nightmare just trying to get her through doorways.
Don’t misunderstand; Great Danes are lovely dogs. Majestic, even. But needing a special mention for being taller than the average Labrador? Its just… so very on brand for our times. We’re desperate for any sliver of novelty, any scrap of “news” to distract us from, well, everything else going on in the world.
I fully expect headlines soon about the worlds fluffiest hamster and then maybe a competition for most enthusiastic tail wag. The bar is subterranean, people. Subterranean.
