The Reign of Barnaby and His Chrome Hoard
Seriously? Hubcaps? Seven hundred hubcaps?! Is this what we’ve come to? While the world grapples with climate change, geopolitical instability, and the existential dread of late-stage capitalism, Mr. Barnaby Wickham is out there… collecting hubcaps. Like hes auditioning for a bizarre episode of “Hoarders: Baltimore Edition.”
Apparently, these aren’t even particularly valuable hubcaps. Just discarded, forgotten pieces of metal rolling around the city streets. And instead of, you know, advocating for better infrastructure to prevent them from falling off in the first place, or perhaps addressing the root causes of vehicular neglect that lead to such a bounty of roadside debris, Barnaby is scooping them up. On his bike.
I picture him now, this chrome-covered cyclist, pedaling slowly along, carefully maneuvering around potholes and discarded needles, all for… what? A monument to automotive apathy? A testament to the fleeting nature of consumer goods?
It’s just… baffling. And frankly, a little pathetic. One can only assume hes planning some elaborate, deeply unsettling art installation involving spinning metal circles and existential commentary on decay. Or maybe he just likes shiny things. Either way, I have significantly more pressing concerns than the whereabouts of Baltimore’s lost hubcaps, as I’m sure we all do.
