“Google’s Latest Masterstroke: Gemma 3-12B, Because Who Needs Original Ideas Anyway?”
In a bold move that has left many scratching their heads, Google has announced the latest addition to its ever-growing roster of confusing brand names: Gemma 3-12B. Because, why come up with something completely new and innovative when you can take two seemingly random words and mash them together?
According to sources close to the company (aka our friends who are still trying to make sense of it), Gemma is some sort of… thing. It’s allegedly a “smart home device” that allows users to control their appliances with just a thought. Because, you know, telepathy is totally a thing now.
But wait, there’s more! The 3-12B part? That’s supposedly the “advanced brain-computer interface technology” that makes Gemma capable of reading your thoughts. We’re pretty sure our grandmas could do this with a Ouija board and some tinfoil, but hey, Google is all about innovation (read: making bank off your gullibility).
As one can imagine, the internet has been absolutely abuzz with excitement over this latest announcement. Twitter is filled with people asking “what even is Gemma?” and “why did I just waste 10 minutes of my life researching something that probably won’t exist in 5 years?”
Meanwhile, our friends at Google’s marketing department are no doubt high-fiving each other and crying tears of joy as they rake in the dough from unsuspecting early adopters who will inevitably buy Gemma because it says “Gemma” on the box.
We’re not sure what’s more astonishing – the fact that Google actually thought people would be interested in this nonsense or the fact that people are still willing to give them their hard-earned cash for the privilege of being beta testers for their latest fad.
But hey, at least Gemma 3-12B has given us something to talk about. And who knows? Maybe it’ll actually work and we’ll all be able to control our lamps with our minds in no time. (Spoiler alert: it won’t.)
In the meantime, we’ll just have to sit back and marvel at Google’s unparalleled ability to turn what should be a revolutionary innovation into a confusing mess of letters and numbers. Because, honestly, that’s what they’re really good at – making us wonder how on earth they came up with this stuff.
So here’s to Gemma 3-12B: the latest in a long line of Google products that will inevitably become a footnote in the history books as “that one thing nobody remembers.”
