**BREAKING: Canadian Man Wins FOURTH Major Lottery Prize, Now Forced to Build Giant Trophy Room**
TORONTO, ONTARIO – In a shocking turn of events, 32-year-old Canadian resident, Dave Wilson, has won his FOURTH major lottery prize in just 10 short years. Yes, you read that right – FOUR. It’s as if the universe has declared Dave the ultimate lottery champion and is now demanding that he single-handedly keep the lottery industry afloat.
According to sources close to the winner (okay, we just talked to his mom), Dave purchased his winning ticket at a Tim Hortons in rural Saskatchewan, where he allegedly celebrated with a double-double and a box of Timbits.
The winning ticket, valued at a whopping $25 million, is Dave’s fourth major lottery win. His previous wins include:
1. A $10 million jackpot in 2015, which he spent on a collection of vintage toasters.
2. A $5 million prize in 2018, which he used to buy a private island in the Great Lakes ( rumor has it, he’s still trying to find it).
3. A $15 million windfall in 2020, which he invested in a chain of successful accordion stores.
When asked about his incredible luck, Dave humbly replied, “I just like to think I’m on a hot streak. And also, I’m really good at picking numbers. Like, have you seen my fantasy football team?”
As news of Dave’s win spread, friends and family gathered outside his house, chanting “Dave! Dave! Dave!” and holding signs that read “We love you, Dave!” Neighbors reported hearing a conga line forming in the streets, complete with kazoo music and a makeshift parade.
In related news, the Canadian government has announced plans to introduce a new tax bracket specifically for individuals who have won an unreasonable number of lotteries. Dave, being the trailblazer that he is, will likely be the first to be audited under the new “Lottery Winner Tax Act.”
When asked about his plans for his newfound wealth, Dave grinned mischievously and said, “Well, I’m thinking of building a giant trophy room in my basement. It’s going to be huge. Like, have you seen the inside of a hockey rink? It’s going to be like that, but with more trophies.”
Stay tuned for further updates on Dave’s incredible winning streak and his inevitable induction into the “Lottery Hall of Fame” (which we’re pretty sure is a real thing now).
