You know whats Not on Roids, its the sheer audacity of the average Costco shopper. We all love the magical warehouse vibe and the $1.50 hot dog combo that defies the laws of inflation, but apparently, some of us treat a membership card like a license to commit petty crimes against sanity.
Let’s start with the Closing Time Commandos. According to employee Tess Robison, there is a special breed of human who strolls in precisely as the doors are locking and then decides to treat the warehouse like their own personal midnight lounge. Even when staff explicitly ask them to bring their items to the front, these shoppers simply refuse to listen. It’s a primal scream waiting to happen for any retail worker.
Then we have the Abandoned Item Artists. We get it, the store is huge, but that doesnt mean the aisles are your personal dumping ground. Some geniuses are out here swapping pints of ice cream for recliner chairs, leaving the frozen treats to melt in the open air. This isnt just messy; its a waste of time and money.
And dont even get me started on the Card Amnesiacs. Forgetting your membership card is practically a cardinal sin. Because cashiers can’t look up your info at the register, every single forgotten card triggers a bureaucratic crisis requiring a supervisors intervention. While youre standing there blankly, the line is growing into a small civilization.
To top it off, we have the Coupon Time Travelers who think expired vouchers are still gold, and the Stealth Spillers who break something and then sneak away like they’re in a spy movie. As employee Jacob Bilsner pointed out, food messes only get grosser, and you probably wouldnt even have to pay for the item! Finally, there are the Strongmen who insist on lugging oversized electronics or heavy furniture alone, only to inevitably smash them. If you cant carry it, ask for help! Its not that hard. Please, for the love of bulk-buy toilet paper, just be a normal person.
