You know what’s Not on Roids, apparently? The phrases “brilliant” people use to deal with angry folks. Seriously, who decided these were good ideas? Because they sound suspiciously like passive-aggressive maneuvers disguised as emotional support!
Lets break it down, because the internet is telling us we need to know what these supposed geniuses are whispering when someone’s about to launch a full-blown volcanic eruption of frustration. First up: I see that youre angry and I want to understand. Oh, REALLY? Do you? Because all I hear is “Let me validate your outburst so I can feel superior while you explain yourself.” According to life coach Alex Mathers, anger is an “emotional spotlight,” revealing repressed parts of ourselves. Great! Let’s just shine a giant light on everyones rage and make them even MORE uncomfortable!
Then theres the pièce de résistance: Its okay to be frustrated, but you cant speak to me in that tone. Hold on. You’re validating their feelings while simultaneously policing their vocal delivery? It’s a boundary-setting sandwich of condescension! The American Psychological Association even admits anger is an “adaptive evolutionary response,” so maybe, just MAYBE, letting someone vent a little (within reason, obviously) would be more effective than launching into this elaborate verbal gymnastics routine.
Look, I get it – de-escalation is important. But these phrases? They feel like intellectual one-upmanship, not genuine empathy. And honestly, sometimes what an angry person needs isnt understanding; they need some space and a very large pizza.
