**BREAKING: HEROIC NURSE PERFORMS CPR ON DRUNKEN BABY RACCOON, SAVES LIFE**
In a bizarre incident that has left animal control officers and medical professionals alike scratching their heads, a Kentucky nurse sprang into action to save a baby raccoon who had apparently gotten its paws on a bottle of bourbon.
According to eyewitnesses, the tiny raccoon, estimated to be only 6 weeks old, was found stumbling around a Lexington backyard, looking like it had just gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.
“I was just sitting on my porch, sipping sweet tea, when I saw this little guy wobbling around,” said local resident, Bubba Jenkins. “At first, I thought it was just a regular raccoon, but then I noticed it was wearing a tiny pair of sunglasses and a fedora. I mean, I’ve seen some weird stuff in my day, but this was something else.”
Enter our hero, Nurse Emily Wilson, who just happened to be visiting her neighbor when she heard the commotion.
“I was just minding my own business when I saw this little raccoon stumbling around, making these adorable little ‘coo-coo’ noises,” said Nurse Wilson. “At first, I thought it was just a regular baby raccoon, but then I noticed it was acting…different. It was like it had been drinking all day.”
Without hesitation, Nurse Wilson sprang into action, grabbing the raccoon and beginning CPR. “I mean, I’ve done CPR on humans before, but never on a raccoon,” she said. “But I figured, how hard could it be, right? I mean, it’s just a baby raccoon. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Miraculously, Nurse Wilson’s quick thinking and medical expertise paid off, and the baby raccoon began to show signs of life.
“It was like it was doing a little raccoon dance,” said Jenkins. “It was wobbling around, making these little ‘coo-coo’ noises, and just generally being adorable. I mean, I’ve never seen anything like it.”
The baby raccoon, who has been named “Rocky” by local animal control officers, is currently being cared for at a local wildlife rehabilitation center.
As for Nurse Wilson, she’s being hailed as a hero for her bravery and quick thinking.
“I mean, who wouldn’t want to save a drunken baby raccoon?” she said with a laugh. “It’s not every day you get to be a part of something like that. And hey, at least I got a good story out of it.”
**UPDATE:** The baby raccoon, Rocky, has been released back into the wild, and is reportedly doing well. When asked for a statement, Rocky simply shook its head and muttered something about “never drinking bourbon again.”
