**BREAKING: Raccoon Squad Saved from Certain Doom in Rhode Island Drain**
In a daring rescue mission that has left the nation in awe, a team of brave emergency responders saved a group of six raccoons who were trapped in a storm drain in suburban Rhode Island yesterday evening.
According to eyewitnesses, the raccoons had been spotted swimming frantically in the drain, their tiny paws waving wildly in the air as they cried out for help. The scene was described as “absolute chaos” and “a real-life game of ‘Survival of the Furriest'”.
“It was like they were trying out for a role in ‘The Revenant’ or something,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “I mean, I’ve seen some crazy things in my time, but raccoons in a storm drain? That’s a new one.”
The rescue team, comprised of experts from the Rhode Island Department of Environmental Management and the local fire department, sprang into action, using a combination of ladders, pulleys, and what can only be described as “raccoon whispering” to coax the distressed creatures to safety.
“It was a real team effort,” said Fire Chief, John Smith. “We had to MacGyver a makeshift pulley system just to get to them. And let me tell you, those raccoons were not going down without a fight. They were like little furry ninjas, clawing and biting at anything that got in their way.”
After a tense 20-minute operation, the raccoons were finally extracted from the drain and transported to a nearby wildlife rehabilitation center for further treatment.
“We’re thrilled to report that all six raccoons are expected to make a full recovery,” said Dr. Emily Chen, a wildlife expert at the rehabilitation center. “Although, we are concerned about the long-term psychological effects of being trapped in a storm drain. I mean, who wouldn’t be traumatized by that experience?”
The incident has left the community shaken, but grateful for the bravery and quick thinking of the rescue team.
“I’m just glad those raccoons are safe,” said local resident, Bob Johnson. “I mean, can you imagine if they had to spend the night in that drain? It gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.”
In related news, the Rhode Island Department of Environmental Management has announced plans to install raccoon-sized escape ladders in all storm drains throughout the state, just in case. Because, as we all know, you can never be too prepared for a raccoon emergency.
