**BREAKING: GatorGate Rocks Rural Florida Community**
In a bizarre incident that has left residents of Sunnyville, Florida, shell-shocked, a feisty alligator was taken into custody yesterday evening at the residence of 104-year-old granny, Agnes P. Bottomsworth.
According to eyewitnesses, the 12-foot-long reptile, estimated to be around 50 years old, was seen lounging on the porch of Granny Agnes’s cozy bungalow, sipping sweet tea and snacking on a plate of fried chicken.
“I was just sitting on my rocker, enjoying the sunset, when suddenly this gator comes strolling up and makes itself at home,” said Granny Agnes, who claims she’s been outsmarting alligators for longer than the gator has been alive. “I told it to get off my lawn, but it just gave me a sassy little snort and plopped itself down on my porch swing.”
Deputies from the local sheriff’s department were quickly summoned to the scene, but instead of tranquilizing the gator, they decided to cuff it and read it its rights.
“We’ve charged the alligator with loitering, trespassing, and being a general nuisance,” said Sheriff Bubba Johnson, who was on the scene. “We’re not sure what its motive was, but it’s clear this gator had no business being on Granny Agnes’s porch.”
The alligator, whose name tag read “Gator-nardo,” was taken into custody and transported to a nearby wildlife rehabilitation center, where it will receive counseling for its porch-sitting addiction.
Granny Agnes, who claims she’s now “gator-proofed” her home with a moat of hot sauce and a team of highly trained geriatric attack chickens, said she’s just glad the ordeal is over.
“I’m just glad I didn’t have to use my dentures to fend it off,” she quipped.
The Sunnyville Police Department has released a statement assuring residents that the gator will not be released back into the wild until it completes a rigorous program of obedience training and porch etiquette classes.
In related news, local businesses are capitalizing on the incident by selling “Gator-Proof Your Home” kits and “I Survived Gator-Gate” t-shirts.
