**BREAKING: Judge Returns to Bench, Immediately Sentences Himself to Community Service for Being “Totally, Completely, and Utterly Bonkers”**
Detroit, MI – In a stunning turn of events, Judge James “Hawk” Hawkins has returned to the bench, just days after being temporarily removed for ordering a teenager to don jail clothes and handcuffs during a field trip to the courthouse. But that’s not all – in a bizarre twist, the judge has sentenced himself to community service for being, in his own words, “totally, completely, and utterly bonkers.”
According to sources, Judge Hawkins was reinstated after a thorough investigation revealed that he was, in fact, having a “temporary lapse of sanity” when he forced the 16-year-old student to experience life as a prisoner for the day.
The teenager, who wishes to remain anonymous, was simply trying to get a glimpse of the judicial system in action when Judge Hawkins pounced, shouting “You think you’re so cool, huh? Well, let’s see how you like being in the slammer!” before cuffing the poor kid and dressing him in a miniature prison jumpsuit.
But what really caught everyone’s attention was the judge’s unconventional return to the bench. In a press conference, Judge Hawkins explained that he had been experiencing a “midlife crisis” and had been prescribed a series of unorthodox treatments, including a stint in a clown car and a session of “extreme ironing.”
“I just wanted to get in touch with my inner child,” Judge Hawkins said, “and also find out if I could fit inside a clown car. Spoiler alert: I can.”
The judge’s unorthodox methods have raised eyebrows among his peers, but many are also praising his creativity and willingness to think outside the box.
“I’m just glad he’s back on the bench,” said local resident and frequent court-goer, Karen Jenkins. “I mean, who else is going to make the courtroom feel like a real-life game of ‘The Hunger Games’?”
In related news, the Detroit Bar Association has announced plans to offer a new course: “How to Spot a Judge Having a Complete Meltdown (and What to Do About It)”. The course is expected to be a huge hit among local attorneys.
Judge Hawkins has also announced plans to start a new community service program, which will involve him dressing up as a giant chicken and handing out free donuts to the public.
“It’s all about giving back to the community,” Judge Hawkins said, “and also getting a good laugh in.”
