**BREAKING: Rogue Horses Wreak Havoc on London, City Teeters on Brink of Equine Chaos**
LONDON, ENGLAND – In a bizarre incident that has left residents and authorities alike in stitches, two marauding military horses brought the city to a standstill yesterday after they broke free from their handlers and embarked on a wild, rider-less joyride through the streets of London.
The equine escape artists, described as “completely bonkers” by eyewitnesses, galloped wildly through the city, leaving a trail of destruction and bewildered onlookers in their wake. The horses, identified as “Mr. Whinny” and “Lord Gallop”, reportedly reached speeds of up to 30 miles per hour as they thundered down Whitehall, narrowly avoiding collisions with pedestrians, buses, and parked cars.
“It was like they were in a scene from a crazy movie,” said one shell-shocked tourist. “I was just trying to take a selfie with Big Ben, and suddenly these two horses come out of nowhere, maniacally neighing and sending people running for cover. I thought it was the end of the world!”
The horses, valued at a combined £100,000, were eventually corralled by a team of brave (or foolhardy) bystanders, who managed to sedate them and get them to a nearby stable for treatment.
According to officials, both horses are in a “serious but stable condition” after suffering injuries, including a badly bruised hoof and a nasty gash above one eye. “They’re going to need some serious therapy to get over this traumatic experience,” said a spokesperson for the British Army.
The incident has sparked widespread outrage and demands for greater safety measures to prevent such incidents in the future. “This is a wake-up call for all of us,” said a visibly shaken London Mayor. “We need to take action to ensure our streets are safe from rogue horses and other unexpected threats.”
In related news, sales of earplugs and horse- riding helmets have skyrocketed, and local businesses are cashing in on “I survived the Great London Horse Stampede” merchandise.
**UPDATE**: The British government has announced an emergency meeting to discuss the implications of this incident and to consider implementing new regulations on horse-handling procedures. Meanwhile, #JusticeForMrWhinny and #LordGallopTrends are trending on social media, with many calling for greater awareness and support for traumatized horses everywhere.
