**BREAKING: VIRGINIA MAN’S SNACK BREAK TURNS INTO LIFE-CHANGING WIN**
In a bizarre turn of events, 32-year-old Virginia resident, Bubba Jenkins, pulled over for a quick snack at a convenience store and ended up winning a staggering $100,000 lottery prize. Because, you know, that’s exactly what happens when you stop for a Slim Jim and a Mountain Dew.
According to eyewitnesses, Jenkins strolled into the 7-Eleven on a whim, driven solely by his insatiable craving for Takis Fuego and a large coffee. As he waited in line, he absent-mindedly grabbed a Virginia Lottery ticket, not even bothering to check the numbers. We’re told he was too busy contemplating the meaning of life and the perfect cheese-to-cracker ratio.
Fast forward to later that evening, when Jenkins checked his ticket and let out a blood-curdling scream that shattered several nearby windows and sent his cat, Mr. Whiskers, fleeing for cover. Why? Because he had matched all six numbers and was now the proud owner of a $100,000 windfall!
“I was just getting a snack, and then BAM! I was like, ‘Is this real life? Am I dreaming? Did I just win the lottery… AGAIN?'” Jenkins exclaimed in an exclusive interview, still visibly shaken. “I mean, I’ve won like, five times before, but this one takes the cake… or should I say, the Slim Jim?”
When asked about his plans for the newfound wealth, Jenkins reportedly shouted, “I’M BUYING ALL THE SLURPEES IN THE WORLD! AND A YACHT! AND A TEAM OF PERSONAL SHOPPERS! AND… AND… OH WAIT, I ALMOST FORGOT: I’M GOING TO GIVE MY CAT, MR. WHISKERS, HIS OWN TWEETER ACCOUNT!”
As news of the incredible win spread like wildfire, friends and family members began to emerge from the woodwork, all clamoring for a piece of the action. Jenkins’ grandmother, Agnes, was overheard saying, “I always knew that boy had good luck! Now, about that timeshare in Boca…”
The Virginia Lottery Commission has since announced that they will be conducting an investigation into the matter, primarily to determine if Jenkins had, in fact, used his winnings to purchase an endless supply of Takis Fuego.
In related news, local convenience stores have reported a surge in Slim Jim sales, as people across the country seek to emulate Jenkins’ winning formula.
