Woman Stuck in Outhouse Toilet Rescued in Michigan – Can We Just Flush This Whole Thing Down the Drain?
In what can only be described as a truly crappy situation, a woman was rescued from inside an outhouse toilet in Michigan on Tuesday afternoon. According to witnesses, the woman had been using the bathroom when the floor beneath her gave way, causing her to fall into the toilet and become trapped.
Local emergency services were called to the scene and worked tirelessly to free the woman from her stinky prison. It took several hours and a lot of elbow grease, but eventually, they were able to hoist her out of the toilet and onto solid ground.
While it’s not every day that someone gets stuck in an outhouse toilet, it seems like an especially fitting event for the year 2020. I mean, what better metaphor for the state of the world right now than a woman trapped in a literal pile of crap?
Of course, we should be thankful that the woman was rescued and is reportedly “doing okay” despite the ordeal. But let’s not overlook the fact that this whole situation is utterly ridiculous.
First of all, who still uses an outhouse toilet? Are we living in the Wild West? Did this woman stumble upon a time machine and forget that indoor plumbing exists now? I realize that some people enjoy roughing it out in the woods, but there’s a reason that civilization moved past using a hole in the ground as a toilet.
And even if she did insist on using an outhouse, did she not notice the questionable state of the floorboards? It seems like common sense to avoid standing on a creaky, possibly rotting piece of wood while using the bathroom, but clearly, this woman didn’t get the memo.
Let’s also consider the fact that someone had to actually climb into the toilet to rescue this woman. That person likely deserves a medal for their bravery, but also, why does this job exist? Is there a special task force of toilet rescuers lurking around, waiting for someone to fall into a pit of bodily waste? And does this mean that we can add “toilet rescuer” to the list of essential workers during a global pandemic?
At the end of the day, we can all agree that this whole situation stinks (pun intended). But perhaps we can also find some solace in the fact that even when things seem their most bleak and bizarre, there are still people out there willing to plunge headfirst into the grossest situations to help others.
So let’s raise a glass to the toilet rescuers of the world, and here’s hoping that we can all avoid falling into any pits of despair in the future.
