**LOCAL MAN’S LEMON JUICE GUZZLING FEAT LEAVES HIM SOUR**
In a bizarre display of gastronomic bravery, 32-year-old Idaho resident, Bubba Jenkins, downed a liter of lemon juice through a straw in a blistering 13.64 seconds, potentially shattering the Guinness World Record for fastest lemon juice consumption.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “apocalyptic” as Jenkins, fueled by a dare from his buddies at the local watering hole, prepared to take on the acidic challenge. With a fierce cry of “I’m gonna make my stomach hate me!”, Jenkins unsheathed his straw and began to suck down the citrusy concoction at an alarming rate.
“I was skeptical at first,” said spectator, Chuck Norris (no relation to the famous actor). “But then I saw the look of determination in his eyes and I knew he was gonna do it. I mean, who needs a liver, anyway?”
As Jenkins crossed the finish line, the crowd erupted in cheers and gasps of horror. Witnesses reported that Jenkins’ face turned a shade of green not seen since the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.
“I think I saw his stomach lining melt,” said another onlooker. “It was like watching a slow-motion nightmare.”
When asked about his motivations, Jenkins, now clutching his stomach in agony, groaned, “I just really love lemons, okay? And also, I hate my stomach.”
The Guinness World Records officials have yet to confirm Jenkins’ achievement, but if verified, he will be awarded a certificate and a year’s supply of Tums.
In related news, local hospitals reported a surge in emergency room visits due to “extreme citrus-related trauma.”
