**BREAKING: London Comedy Club Declares War on Frozen Faces**
In a shocking move, the owner of London’s popular “Laugh-A-Palooza” comedy club announced yesterday that he is banning audience members with Botox injections, effective immediately. The reason? Performers are fed up with trying to gauge reactions from crowds with faces as stiff as a board.
“It’s like trying to read a potato,” said club owner, Max Wellington. “We’re a comedy club, not a support group for plastic surgeons. Our performers need laughter and applause to know they’re killing it on stage, not staring into a sea of emotionless zombies.”
The controversy began when several comedians took to social media to complain about the difficulties of performing in front of crowds with Botox-frozen faces. “I was in the middle of a killer set, and I could’ve sworn I saw a guy in the front row who was secretly a ventriloquist’s dummy,” said comedian, Sarah Jones. “I mean, I’ve seen some tough crowds in my time, but this was like trying to make a cat laugh.”
Wellington claims that he’s received numerous complaints from performers about the “Botox brigade” and has decided to take a stand. “We’re not trying to be mean-spirited or body-shame anyone,” he said. “We just want our performers to be able to read the room and adjust their jokes accordingly. If you can’t smile or laugh on command, then maybe you shouldn’t be coming to a comedy club.”
The new policy has sparked a heated debate on social media, with some defending the right to get Botox and others applauding the club’s stance. “If you can’t handle a few wrinkles, then maybe you’re not ready for the big city,” tweeted @ComedyConnoisseur.
In response to the backlash, Wellington has announced that “Laugh-A-Palooza” will be offering a special “Botox-Free Zone” discount for audience members who sign a waiver promising not to get injections for at least a month after attending a show.
When asked if the club would consider offering a “Botox- Anon” program, Wellington quipped, “Ha! Only if they agree to wear a ‘I’m a Botox addict’ t-shirt to the show.”
The battle between comedy and Botox has officially begun. Who will win? Only time (and a few more botched facelifts) will tell.
