**BREAKING: Kiwis in Shock as Cyclist Takes Down Giant Goat on Italian Mountainside**
In a bizarre incident that has left the cycling world aghast, New Zealand cyclist, Nigel Nelson, collided with a gargantuan goat on stage 10 of the Giro d’Italia yesterday, sending both the rider and the caprine behemoth tumbling to the ground.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “absolute pandemonium” as Nelson, 29, was making his way up the grueling Passo Stelvio when he suddenly found himself face-to-face with a goat of unprecedented proportions.
“It was like something out of a fantasy novel,” said Italian teammate, Luca Bianchi. “The goat was huge – I’m talking at least 10 feet tall and as wide as a small car. I mean, I’ve seen some big goats in my day, but this one was a monster!”
According to Nelson, he was cruising along, minding his own business, when suddenly the gargantuan goat materialized out of thin air, its eyes fixed intently on him.
“I thought it was a rock at first, but then I realized it was a goat – a very, very large goat,” Nelson recounted from his hospital bed, where he is being treated for a broken collarbone and a severe case of goat-induced trauma. “I tried to swerve, but it was too late. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground and the goat was standing over me, looking very pleased with itself.”
The goat, which has been named “Goro” by local residents, apparently escaped from a nearby farm and had been roaming the mountainside, causing chaos and destruction in its wake.
“It was like it had a personal vendetta against cyclists,” said a local farmer, who wished to remain anonymous. “I’ve never seen anything like it. It was like a force of nature – unstoppable and unyielding.”
Nelson, who was forced to abandon the race, has vowed to return to the Giro d’Italia next year, armed with a team of highly trained goat wranglers.
“I’ll be back,” he declared, brandishing his walking stick. “And next time, I’ll be ready for those pesky goats.”
The incident has sparked a heated debate about goat safety in the cycling world, with many calling for increased measures to protect riders from the marauding hordes of mountain goats.
In the meantime, Goro the goat has been taken into custody and is facing charges of reckless endangerment and intentional infliction of emotional distress.
As for Nelson, he’s just happy to be alive – and goat-free. “I’m just glad I made it out alive,” he said, shaking his head. “Note to self: avoid goats at all costs.”
