**BREAKING: MASSACHUSETTS DAD’S HEART OF GOLD TURNS INTO $2 MILLION WINDFALL… AND A LIFETIME OF GUILT TRIPS**
In a stunning turn of events, a Massachusetts father has discovered that a lottery ticket he absent-mindedly handed to his daughter as a “you’re doing great, kiddo” gift has turned out to be worth a whopping $2 MILLION DOLLARS!
John Smith, 42, of suburban Boston, claimed that he had completely forgotten about the ticket, which he had purchased on a whim at the local convenience store. “I just grabbed it on a lark, thinking, ‘Hey, why not? It’s only $5!'” Smith explained in an interview. “I stuck it in my wallet and forgot all about it. I mean, who doesn’t forget about a $5 lottery ticket, am I right?”
The ticket, which Smith had given to his 17-year-old daughter, Emily, as a good luck charm before she headed off to school, was only discovered when Emily was rummaging through her father’s wallet for a parking ticket. “I was like, ‘Dad, what’s this?’ and he was all, ‘Oh, that? I think that’s just an old lottery ticket… or a used gum wrapper… or possibly a piece of last week’s Chinese takeout,'” Emily laughed.
When Emily checked the ticket against the winning numbers, she let out a blood-curdling scream, alerting her father to the fact that they were now $2 MILLION DOLLARS RICHER!
“I nearly had a heart attack,” Smith exclaimed. “I mean, I’ve had some good days as a dad, but this is just ridiculous! I’m basically the best father ever now. I mean, who gives their kid a $2 million lottery ticket? Only me, apparently!”
As news of the incredible windfall spread, friends and family began pouring in congratulations and, more importantly, requests for loans. “I’m basically the fairy godmother of Massachusetts now,” Smith joked. “I mean, who needs a 401k when you’ve got a lottery-winning daughter?”
The Smith family has announced plans to use the winnings to pay off student loans, buy a yacht, and establish a scholarship fund for kids who have been given (and actually win with) random lottery tickets.
When asked for comment, Emily simply shrugged and said, “Dad, you’re the best. Can I get a new car now?”
