**BREAKING: LOCAL MAN’S 40-YEAR LOTTERY ODYSSEY ENDS WITH JACKPOT WIN OF $6 MILLION… AND A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF TICKETS!**
In a stunning turn of events, 62-year-old John “Lucky” Larson of Suburbiaville, USA, has finally hit the big time after dedicating over four decades to playing the lottery. And by “dedicating,” we mean obsessively purchasing tickets, much to the chagrin of his wife, who had given up hope of ever seeing a dime of that money.
According to sources close to the Larson family, John has been playing the same numbers – 3, 7, 11, 13, 24, and 32 – every week since 1982, never once wavering in his commitment to the daily ritual of checking his ticket at the local convenience store.
“I told my wife, Carol, back in ’82, ‘Mark my words, honey, I’m gonna win big one of these days!'” said Larson, beaming with pride. “She just rolled her eyes and said, ‘Yeah, sure, John, and I’m gonna marry George Clooney.’ But I never gave up!”
After 2,112 weeks of consecutive ticket purchases, Larson’s persistence paid off when he matched all six numbers in the Mega Millions drawing on Tuesday night. The winning ticket, which he had purchased at the same 7-Eleven where he’d been buying his lottery tickets for years, netted him a cool $6 million.
“I was just about to give up,” joked Larson, “but then I saw the numbers on TV and I started shaking like a leaf. I called my wife and said, ‘Honey, I think I won!’ And she said, ‘Yeah, right, John, and I’m the Queen of England.’ But then I showed her the ticket, and… well, let’s just say she’s now the Queen of Suburbiaville!”
Larson plans to use his winnings to pay off his mortgage, buy a new RV, and, of course, continue playing the lottery. “You can’t win if you don’t play, right?” he chuckled.
When asked about his incredible streak of luck, Larson humbly attributed it to his trusty lucky socks, which he’s worn every week for the past 40 years. “I mean, it’s science,” he said with a wink. “You gotta have the right footwear to attract the good vibes.”
The lottery commission has announced plans to erect a statue of Larson in front of the convenience store where he bought his winning ticket, commemorating his dedication to the art of playing the lottery.
**UPDATE:** Larson has just announced that he’s buying a billboard in Times Square to advertise his lucky numbers – and a special promotion: “Play the Larson Way: 40 Years of Persistence Guaranteed to Make You a Millionaire… or at least give you a good story to tell!”
