**Bears of California: When You Leave Your Home, Make Sure to Lock Up the Goodies!**
ALTADENA, CA – In a stunning turn of events that could only happen in the golden state of California, a local man returned to his Altadena residence post-Eaton Fire, only to discover that he seemingly left the door wide open for an unexpected—and decidedly hefty—houseguest. The pooch in question? A mammoth, 525-pound bear that reportedly has decided that the man’s crawlspace makes for an all-time five-star staycation.
Residents, ever supportive of wildlife tourism, were mostly unfazed by the furry situation. In fact, it’s clear the bear has a better life than most millennials struggling to make rent. One neighbor quipped, “I wish I had a bear-sized budget. Maybe if I eat all my meals in the crawlspace too, I’ll have enough money to buy a house!” Because, you know, nothing screams “luxury living” quite like a secluded area filled with dust bunnies and old holiday decorations.
Witnesses say the bear settled into its new digs quite comfortably, and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to spend their days lounging in a crawlspace? Armed with only a couple of rusted cans and an array of forgotten childhood toys, this bear is now arguably living the dream. Speculation around the area runs rampant; could the bear be starting a home renovation project? Maybe it plans to become the next big influencer in animal home décor?
Of course, the property owner, who was reportedly overcome with concern over his bear buddy, had some trouble wrapping his head around the fact that the bear could be homeless—after all, he had just returned from fleeing his own dwelling due to a fire, and now he’s facing eviction from his own crawlspace thanks to this four-legged squatter.
“I just wanted to come back home and assess the damage,” he lamented, apparently unaware that his local wildlife had been following the news and decided they deserved a little vacation too. He was flabbergasted—what’s next? Will he have to start charging rent for the unscheduled tenant?
Fire officials have advised the homeowner to avoid confrontation with the bear, noting it’s best not to upset anyone taking residence in a property once deemed a safe haven. “It’s like a transient, only more majestic and with a bigger appetite,” one officer humorously said, “Besides, the bear can’t be too picky; in this economy, we would all ‘bear’ with almost anything.”
As for our furry friend? Experts recommend letting nature take its course, perhaps suggesting the bear should consider investing in a much more expansive housing option—after all, what’s a bear without a proper den? Social media has already offered limited real estate options in the surrounding areas, though they’re likely beyond the bear’s means.
In any case, within the heart of Altadena, this story could certainly inspire a trending reality show: “Bears and Mortgages: Who Will Stay and Who Will Go?” Spoiler alert: once the bear decides to squat, there’s probably no sign of eviction. While human residents continue to grapple with their previous concerns of home ownership, it seems the bear has already found its forever home—right under someone else’s nose!
