**BREAKING: HEROES HAILED AS BEAR CUB RESCUED FROM CLUTCHES OF ONCOMING SEMIS**
In a heart-stopping, action-packed drama that will be etched in the annals of Minnesota history forever, a fearless sheriff’s deputy and a quick-thinking bystander joined forces to save a adorable black bear cub from certain doom on a bustling highway.
The cub, estimated to be only 6 months old and sporting a coat as black as coal, had wandered away from its mama and stumbled onto the asphalt jungle of Highway 35W, where speeding semi-trucks and cars whizzed by at alarming rates.
As the cub, whose name has been dubbed “Bertha” by authorities, froze in terror, a heroic deputy named Bubba Jensen sprang into action. With his trusty donut-stained coffee mug still clutched in his hand, Deputy Jensen leapt from his squad car and shouted, “Not on my watch, bear-rito!”
Meanwhile, local resident and part-time superhero, Chad Olson, happened to be driving by and witnessed the whole ordeal. Without hesitation, he pulled over, grabbed his trusty bear-sized blanket, and rushed to the scene.
“I was just on my way to grab a Gopher game-day snack when I saw the little guy’s predicament,” said Olson, still shaken by the experience. “I mean, who doesn’t love a good bear-rescue story, am I right?”
As Deputy Jensen provided cover with his mighty sheriff’s shield, Olson carefully wrapped Bertha in the blanket and cradled her in his arms, all while dodging speeding tractor-trailers and screaming motorists.
The daring duo then sprinted back to the safety of the squad car, where they administered bear-sized CPR and offered Bertha a soothing bottle of honey-infused bear-formula.
“It was a real nail-biter, folks,” said Deputy Jensen, still grinning from ear to ear. “But thanks to Chad’s lightning-fast reflexes and my own sheer awesomeness, Bertha’s now safe and sound in a nearby wildlife sanctuary, where she’s already plotting her next great escape.”
The Minnesota Department of Wildlife has announced plans to award both Deputy Jensen and Olson the prestigious “Golden Fish” award for their bravery, which reportedly comes with a complimentary year’s supply of Pillsbury biscuits and a personalized “World’s Okayest Hero” t-shirt.
In related news, local businesses are reporting a surge in bear-themed merchandise sales, with Bertha plushies and “I survived a bear-astrophe” t-shirts flying off the shelves.
