BREAKING: LOCAL MAN DEFIES PHYSICS, SHATTERS WORLD RECORD FOR FASTEST PAPER PLANE FOLDING AND FLIGHT In a jaw-dropping display of aerodynamics and sheer, unadulterated genius, 32-year-old Dave Wilson of Suburbiaville, USA, has obliterated the world record for fastest paper plane folding and flight, clocking in at a mind-boggling 5

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**BREAKING: LOCAL MAN DEFIES PHYSICS, SHATTERS WORLD RECORD FOR FASTEST PAPER PLANE FOLDING AND FLIGHT**

In a jaw-dropping display of aerodynamics and sheer, unadulterated genius, 32-year-old Dave Wilson of Suburbiaville, USA, has obliterated the world record for fastest paper plane folding and flight, clocking in at a mind-boggling 5.12 seconds.

Eyewitnesses claim that Wilson, a self-proclaimed “paper aviation aficionado,” appeared out of nowhere, crumpled up a regular sheet of printer paper, and then – in a blur of motion – folded, assembled, and launched the plane in a staggering 5.12 seconds.

“It was like watching a ninja,” said spectator Jane Doe. “I mean, I’ve seen some fast paper folding in my day, but this guy was like a machine. I think I saw his fingers move at like 100 miles per hour!”

The previous record holder, a Japanese paper-folding prodigy named Taro Matsumoto, had held the title with a time of 10.5 seconds. But Wilson’s record-shattering feat has left the competition in the dust.

“I just wanted to see if it was possible,” Wilson said in a post-record interview, grinning from ear to ear. “I mean, who needs a social life when you can fold paper planes at lightning speed?”

The record-breaking flight took place in the cafeteria of Wilson’s office building, with a panel of skeptical judges and a stopwatch-wielding intern keeping track of the time.

When asked about his secret technique, Wilson simply smiled and said, “Let’s just say I’ve been practicing my folding skills during meetings for years.”

The Guinness World Records officials have been notified, and Wilson’s achievement is pending official verification.

In the meantime, Wilson has announced plans to defend his title against all comers in an upcoming paper-folding tournament, tentatively scheduled for next Thursday at the local park.

**UPDATE:** Wilson’s paper plane has been inducted into the Paper Airplane Hall of Fame, and he has been awarded a year’s supply of paper and a coveted spot on the cover of “Paper Folding Weekly” magazine.

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