**BREAKING: Beaches of New Jersey Suddenly Transformed into Bizarre Dumping Ground as Cleanup Efforts Uncover Vampire Teeth, Bathroom Sink, and Shocking Amount of Discarded Disco Balls**
In a bizarre incident that has left residents and tourists alike scratching their heads, a massive cleanup effort on the beaches of New Jersey has uncovered a treasure trove of utterly absurd trash, including vampire teeth, a bathroom sink, and an astonishing 475 disco balls.
The New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection (NJDEP) announced yesterday that a concerted effort to rid the state’s beaches of litter and debris had yielded some of the most bewildering finds in recent memory.
“We’re not sure what kind of person throws away a vampire’s dental work, but we’re glad we could help rid the beach of it,” said NJDEP spokesperson, Karen Warren. “And the bathroom sink? Well, we’re still trying to figure out how that ended up there. Maybe it was a prank gone wrong?”
The cleanup effort, which involved a team of dedicated volunteers and a fleet of garbage trucks, also turned up a startling array of other unusual items, including:
* A VHS tape of “The Big Lebowski” with the words “I’M THE DUDE” scrawled on it in Sharpie
* A vintage typewriter with a note attached that read “The answer is 42”
* A single, slightly-used pair of Groucho Marx novelty glasses
* A taxidermied seagull wearing a tiny top hat and monocle
* And an astounding 237 inflatable flamingos, which authorities suspect may have been part of a massive, beachside flash mob
But the pièce de résistance was undoubtedly the disco balls – 475 of them, to be exact. “We’re not sure what kind of rave party was planned, but it looks like the hosts got cold feet,” said Warren.
The NJDEP is urging anyone with information about the bizarre trash to come forward. In the meantime, residents and tourists alike are advised to steer clear of the state’s beaches, lest they stumble upon any more unexpected surprises.
**UPDATE:** The NJDEP has just announced that a local resident has come forward claiming responsibility for the disco balls. “I just wanted to add a little sparkle to the beach,” said 32-year-old Dave Wilson. “I didn’t mean to cause a scene.” Wilson is currently facing charges of littering and being “just a little bit weird.”
