**BREAKING: ROLLERCOASTER ROLLS OUT OF CONTROL… LITERALLY!**
MEXICO CITY, MEXICO – In a heart-stopping, spine-tingling, and downright terrifying turn of events, the “Insanity Drop” rollercoaster at Six Flags Mexico came to a screeching halt in the middle of a torrential downpour, leaving dozens of riders suspended 243 feet in the air for a bone-chilling 10 minutes.
Eyewitnesses described the scene as “absolute pandemonium” as the rollercoaster, which boasts a stomach-dropping 90-degree plunge, suddenly stopped on the 10th story of its track, leaving riders dangling precariously in the rain.
“I thought for sure I was going to be the main course at the eagle’s next meal!” exclaimed Maria Rodriguez, a rider who was on the ill-fated coaster. “I mean, who needs a rollercoaster when you can just hang from a giant metal beast in the middle of a thunderstorm?”
The ride, which was carrying 25 screaming (and soon-to-be traumatized) passengers, appeared to malfunction around 3:45 PM, stranding riders in the midst of a torrential downpour that showed no signs of letting up.
“It was like the ride just decided to take a little siesta,” said Juan Hernandez, a park employee who witnessed the incident. “I mean, I’ve seen some crazy things in my time at Six Flags, but this was like something out of a bad action movie!”
As park officials scrambled to respond to the emergency, riders were treated to a thrilling game of “wait-and-see” as they hung suspended in mid-air, with some reportedly screaming, crying, and even proposing to their significant others (don’t ask).
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, rescue teams arrived on the scene, and riders were safely evacuated from the stricken coaster.
When asked for comment, a Six Flags spokesperson claimed that the incident was “not a big deal” and that “it’s just another day at the office… of rollercoaster maintenance.”
The “Insanity Drop” ride has been closed indefinitely for “unscheduled maintenance” (read: a complete overhaul), and park officials have promised a full investigation into the incident.
In the meantime, riders who experienced the ordeal are being offered complimentary therapy sessions, a lifetime supply of anxiety medication, and a souvenir “I survived the Insanity Drop” t-shirt.
