**BREAKING: Yankees’ Roster Suddenly Resembles 1980s Boy Band, Players Claim “It’s All About the Beard”**
In a shocking move that has left fans and foes alike scratching their heads, several New York Yankees players have emerged from the clubhouse with haircuts that are so short, they’re practically shaved. But don’t worry, these Bronx Bombers aren’t abandoning their rugged, macho image – they’re just getting a little… tidy.
According to sources close to the team, the Yankees’ management has implemented a new facial hair policy that requires players to sport a “respectable” beard, and it seems the players are taking it to heart. Okay, maybe not that heart, but they’re definitely trimming up.
Gian-Carlo Stanton, the team’s star slugger, was seen sporting a haircut that could only be described as “regulation buzz cut.” When asked about the new ‘do, Stanton quipped, “I’m just trying to keep it neat and tidy, you know? I don’t want to be that guy who looks like he stuck his finger in a socket.”
But Stanton wasn’t the only one who got a makeover. Aaron Judge, the team’s towering right fielder, was spotted with a haircut that made him look like a 1980s prom king. “I’m going for a more… aerodynamic look,” Judge explained. “I want to be able to run around the bases without my hair getting in my face.”
And then there’s Luke Voit, the Yankees’ first baseman, who looked like he just stepped out of a 1980s music video. “I’m trying to channel my inner Axl Rose,” Voit said with a grin. “I mean, who needs a wild beard when you can have a wild haircut, right?”
The team’s manager, Aaron Boone, was tight-lipped about the sudden change in hairstyles, but sources close to the team say it’s all about the beard policy. “We’re just trying to keep things fresh and exciting,” Boone said. “And if that means cutting off a few inches of hair, so be it.”
The Yankees take the field tonight against their arch-rivals, the Boston Red Sox. Will their new haircuts bring them good luck? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure – they’re definitely turning heads.
**UPDATE:** The Yankees’ PR department has just released a statement saying that the team is actually just trying to “reduce wind resistance” and “increase batting averages.” Yeah, sure, guys. We’re not buying it.
