**BREAKING: TURTLE-GATE ROCKS NEW JERSEY AIRPORT**
In a bizarre incident that has left authorities shell-shocked, Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents at Newark Liberty International Airport in New Jersey discovered a LIVE TURTLE hiding in a traveler’s pants yesterday evening.
According to eyewitnesses, the traveler, identified as 32-year-old John Smith of New York, was attempting to board a flight to Florida when he was stopped by TSA agents for a routine screening.
As agents began to inspect Smith’s luggage, they noticed something unusual protruding from his pants pocket. What they found was a small, furry… er, scaly creature – a live turtle, approximately 6 inches in length.
“I was just trying to get to my gate on time,” Smith claimed in a statement. “I didn’t think anyone would notice my little friend hiding in my pants. I mean, who wouldn’t want a turtle as a travel buddy?”
TSA officials were not amused, however. “This is not the first time we’ve encountered a stowaway in someone’s pants, but it’s definitely the most… reptilian,” said a TSA spokesperson. “We take all threats to aviation security seriously, including those of the slimy variety.”
Smith was reportedly “cracked” under questioning and revealed that he had smuggled the turtle, named Terry, onto the plane in an attempt to give him a “taste of the high life.”
The turtle, who was reportedly unharmed but “a little shaken,” was taken into custody by airport wildlife experts and is currently being held for observation.
Smith, on the other hand, was issued a hefty fine and banned from flying for the next year. “I’m just glad I didn’t get caught with a snake in my boots,” he quipped.
The incident has left many travelers wondering: what other unexpected items might be hiding in people’s luggage? And more importantly, who needs a pet-sitter when you can just sneak your pet onto a plane?
**UPDATE:** The TSA has announced plans to implement new security measures, including mandatory pat-downs and luggage checks for all travelers. And Terry the turtle has started a support group for animals who’ve been caught in compromising positions.
