**BREAKING: NORAD Santa Tracker Unaffected by Impending Government Shutdown, Because Christmas is a National Emergency**
In a bold move to ensure the continuity of holiday cheer, the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) has announced that its Santa-tracking operations will continue uninterrupted, even if the U.S. government grinds to a halt due to a shutdown.
According to sources, NORAD officials have deemed the tracking of Santa Claus a “National Christmas Emergency” and have vowed to keep the jolly old elf’s whereabouts under surveillance, no matter what.
“We’re not just talking about any old government shutdown,” said Colonel James “Sleigh-Bell” Stevens, NORAD’s Director of Santa Operations. “We’re talking about a shutdown that’s going to make the shutdown of 2011 look like a mere snowflake in the face of a blizzard. But we won’t let that stop us from keeping tabs on Kris Kringle.”
As part of the operation, NORAD has assembled a team of highly trained elves, equipped with state-of-the-art sleigh-tracking technology, to monitor Santa’s every move on Christmas Eve.
“We’ve got radar, we’ve got satellites, we’ve got drones – we’ve even got a few well-placed reindeer whisperers,” said Stevens. “We’re not going to let a little thing like a government shutdown get in the way of bringing joy to children all around the world.”
Meanwhile, Congress has been warned not to try to intercept Santa’s sleigh, lest they face the wrath of Mrs. Claus’s legendary holiday cookies.
In related news, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has stockpiled an emergency stash of eggnog and holiday-themed snacks, just in case the shutdown gets ugly.
**UPDATE:** The U.S. Postal Service has announced that it will continue to deliver mail to Santa Claus at the North Pole, even if the government shuts down. “We’re not just talking about any old mail,” said a USPS spokesperson. “We’re talking about letters to Santa – the most important mail of all.”
