**BREAKING: FERAL FELINE FRENZY HITS SWANSBORO, RESIDENTS ADVISED TO STOCK UP ON TUNA AND NERVOUS LAUGHTER**
In a bizarre incident that has left authorities and residents alike scratching their heads, a rogue African serval cat named “Mr. Whiskers” has busted out of its owner’s crib and is currently roaming free in the sleepy town of Swansboro, North Carolina.
Eyewitnesses describe the cat as “larger than life,” “fluffier than a pillow,” and “possessed by the spirit of a thousand mischievous raccoons.” The feline fugitive, estimated to be around 40 pounds of sleek, tawny fur and piercing green eyes, has been spotted lurking in backyards, peeking out from behind bushes, and allegedly plotting its next move.
“I was just sipping my morning coffee when I saw this…this…THING staring at me from across the street,” said local resident, Agnes Pembly. “I mean, I’ve seen some big cats in my day, but this one was like a lion on steroids! I high-tailed it back inside and locked all my doors – and then I hid under the bed.”
Police have issued a warning to residents, advising them to keep all snacks and small pets indoors, as Mr. Whiskers is believed to be on the hunt for its next meal. “We’re taking this very seriously,” said Officer Bubba Jones, who is leading the search effort. “We don’t want anyone to become a midnight snack for this, uh, rather enthusiastic feline.”
As the search for Mr. Whiskers continues, residents are being advised to remain calm, but also to stock up on tuna, catnip, and a healthy dose of paranoia. “I mean, you never know when this cat might come knocking on your door,” said Pembly, still shaken. “I’m just glad I don’t have any laser pointers lying around.”
The owner of the escaped serval, who wishes to remain anonymous, has issued a public apology and promised to provide a lifetime supply of cat treats if Mr. Whiskers is safely recaptured.
In the meantime, residents are advised to stay vigilant and keep their wits about them. As one local quipped, “You never know when you’ll need to make a break for it – or at least, when you’ll need to deploy your best cat-astrophic dance moves.”
