**BREAKING: GIGANTIC, MUTANT RATTLESNAKE TERRORIZES SCOTTSDALE SUBURB!**
In a bizarre incident that has left wildlife experts baffled and residents on high alert, a group of fearless rattlesnake wranglers in Arizona stumbled upon a gargantuan, genetically modified rattlesnake in the backyard of a Scottsdale home.
The behemoth serpent, measuring a mind-boggling 20 FEET IN LENGTH and 5 FEET IN WIDTH, was discovered lurking behind a stack of rusty old tires in a quiet suburban neighborhood. The massive creature, which has been dubbed “Ratticus Maximus” by local snake enthusiasts, has sent shockwaves throughout the community and has been hailed as the “King of the Desert.”
According to eyewitnesses, the monstrous snake was seen slithering across the lawn of 3456 Oak Street, sending nearby residents running for cover and screaming for ice cream.
“I was just mowing my lawn when I saw this…this…THING,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “I mean, I’ve seen some big snakes in my time, but this one was like something out of a sci-fi movie! I was like, ‘Is that a snake or a small island?'”
The snake, which is believed to have been created in a lab by a team of deranged scientists, has been described as having a girth rivaling that of a small car and a rattle that can be heard from over a mile away.
“It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said Snake Wrangler Extraordinaire, Bob Smith. “I’ve been dealing with snakes for 20 years, and I’ve never encountered a creature this massive. We’re talking about a snake that’s as long as a school bus and as thick as a telephone pole!”
As authorities work to safely capture and contain the beast, residents in the area have been advised to stay indoors and keep a safe distance from any suspicious-looking reptiles.
Meanwhile, local businesses are cashing in on the snake craze, selling “I survived the Ratticus Maximus” t-shirts and “Snake-Proof” lawn signs.
In related news, the Scottsdale City Council has announced plans to build a giant snake-proof fence around the entire city, citing “an abundance of caution” and a “healthy dose of paranoia.”
