**BREAKING: Shocking Scandal Rocks Small Town as Women Discover 81-Year-Old Birthday Card Conspiracy**
Suburbanville, USA – In a stunning revelation that has left residents reeling, it has come to light that a group of women in this quiet town have been secretly exchanging the same birthday card for a whopping 81 years.
The card, a garish floral design with a tacky glittery border, has been making the rounds since 1942, passing from hand to hand like a hot potato, with each recipient dutifully signing their name and adding a heartfelt message.
“I had no idea,” said Agnes Jenkins, 92, a retired librarian who first received the card as a gift from her sister. “I just thought it was a nice gesture. I had no idea it was part of some bizarre, decades-long birthday card Ponzi scheme.”
According to sources, the card has been exchanged an astonishing 427 times, with some women receiving it multiple times, only to pass it along to others.
“It’s like a game of birthday card telephone,” said local historian, Emily Wilson. “Except instead of whispering a message, they’re whispering ‘Happy Birthday’ while passing along a tacky card.”
The women involved in the scheme claim they were just trying to be kind, but experts say it’s a clear case of “Birthday Card Stockholm Syndrome.”
“I mean, who needs actual human connection when you can just pass around a card?” said Dr. Jane Smith, a leading expert on bizarre social phenomena. “It’s like they’re trying to create a sense of community, but really, they’re just enabling each other’s tacky taste in greeting cards.”
As the news spread like wildfire, residents of Suburbanville are left wondering: what’s next? Will they discover that their homemade apple pies have been secretly circulating among the neighborhood for decades?
The women involved in the scandal have released a joint statement apologizing for their actions and promising to start fresh with new, unique birthday cards.
But let’s be real, we’ll all be keeping an eye on those ladies. After all, you can’t trust someone who’s been passing around a tacky birthday card for 81 years.
**UPDATE**: The card has been retired and is now on display at the Suburbanville Museum of Questionable Life Choices.
