### Michigan Woman Assumes Her Lucky Lottery Win is Another One of Life’s Gags
**Lansing, MI** – In a stunning display of skepticism that only a true Michigan resident could muster, local woman Martha Jenkins has officially declared her recent $100,000 lottery win as nothing more than “a scam.” Jenkins, 43, who has been an avid player of the Michigan Lottery’s Lucky 7s game for almost a decade, is unwavering in her belief that fortune is just an elaborate prank waiting to happen.
“This has to be some sort of joke,” Jenkins said, clutching the winning ticket as if it were a live grenade. “I mean, just last week, my aunt Phyllis ‘won’ an iPhone in a Facebook contest that required her to pay $50 for ‘processing fees.’ I’m not falling for it!”
In a world of unsolicited emails and phone calls from so-called princes in dire need of help, who can blame her? As Jenkins explained, her phone’s “scammer alert” is at an all-time high; she half-expected the lottery officials to request her social security number and her blood type any minute now.
The initial excitement of discovering her six-figure victory on Thursday quickly morphed into a reflexive distrust. “I was just trying my luck with some self-care retail therapy,” Jenkins continued, gesturing toward the multipack of socks she bought with her last $10. “Now, I just feel like this win is an elaborate ruse. This prize money is probably just Monopoly money with glitter sprinkled on top.”
Meanwhile, after validating her ticket, lottery officials remain perplexed by Jenkins’ bombastic denial. “We’ve seen a few cases of disbelief, but this is a first,” said Lottery spokesperson Greg Hadfield with a chuckle. “It’s like she’s pulled the ultimate metaphorical heist on herself. I mean, it’s a $100,000 check—it isn’t even written in crayon!”
While Jenkins insists that the lottery is a “horrible social experiment,” she still plans to consult her lawyer cousin, who she believes is far too busy pretending to be busy at his real job. “If it turns out to be real, then I guess I’ll just have to deal with it,” she said dubiously. “But I can’t just spend $100,000 and then start believing that the universe is good and just. Have you ever met a tax collector?”
Her unshakeable caution has inadvertently landed Jenkins a small fan club of fellow skeptics, who liken their own misplaced fortune to her new win. “I once got a message saying I won a free vacation to the Bahamas. Turns out, it was just a spam email,” chimed in her neighbor, Greg Wright. “I backtracked and checked it out—at least they didn’t ask for my credit card number, but where’s the fun in that?”
In a bizarre twist of fate, Jenkins’ story has been picked up by several online lottery forums, prompting waves of laughter and disbelief from people around the country. Some users have even started a “Help Martha to Trust Again” GoFundMe page, which is incredibly ironic given that she would probably think that was a scam, too.
As it stands, Jenkins remains steadfast in her skepticism, waiting for the inevitable moment where it all just turns out to be a cruel cosmic jest. “I mean, if I can’t trust a lottery ticket, what can I trust? My treadmill just laughs at me every time I walk by,” she concluded with a frown, as the world continued to spin in bewilderment.
