In what can only be described as a truly riveting tale of animal misadventure and the perils of farm life, three bison have managed to escape from a farm in Connecticut. The escape, which occurred early this morning, sent the farm’s owners into a frenzy, as they scrambled to track down the missing beasts.
According to eyewitness accounts, the bison somehow managed to breach the farm’s perimeter, which was supposedly secured with the finest technology the mid-90s had to offer. Apparently not satisfied with their current living arrangements, the daring trio made a break for it under the cover of darkness.
Farm owner, Jack, who refused to give his last name like a scene-stealing secret agent, told reporters that he was “absolutely beside himself” when he realized the animals had gone missing. “These bison are like children to us,” he said. “Except they’re gigantic, feral, and could absolutely squash us if they wanted to.”
Despite the best efforts of local law enforcement, the three bison remained at large for several hours, prompting concern among the nearby community. Many residents say they were “terrified” to venture outside, fearing that the bison may have ventured into nearby neighborhoods in search of greener pastures.
However, in a bizarre turn of events, it was discovered that four of the original bison had returned to the farm on their own accord. When asked about the whereabouts of the other two bison, Jack mused that “they must have gotten tired of running around and decided to head back home.”
The news of the bison’s daring escape and subsequent return has garnered national attention, with many expressing incredulity that bison had even been living in Connecticut in the first place. “Who knew there were even bison in Connecticut?” said one commentator. “I thought they were strictly a mid-western thing.”
Despite the animals’ return, many are still left with questions about their motives and where they could have gone during their rebellious stint. Some speculate that the bison may have been plotting a larger escape, while others simply shrug their shoulders and say “who knows, they’re just bison.”
As for the farm owners, they say they are “just relieved” to have their herd back in their pens. “We really love our bison,” Jack said. “But next time we’ll have to invest in some better security measures, like maybe a moat or some kind of biometric scanning technology.” Adding, “or we’ll just let them roam free and see where life takes them.”
