Financial Website Offers 1,000 Bucks to Watch Boring Old Star Wars Movies
In yet another futile attempt to find someone who has never watched Star Wars, a financial advice website is offering $1,000 to anyone willing to spend countless hours watching all the films in the Skywalker saga.
The website, which apparently has no other ways to waste their precious money, is desperately searching for someone who has managed to live under a rock and escape the Star Wars craze for their entire life. They claim this individual will have a “fresh perspective” on the films and can help them understand the financial impact of the franchise.
However, it’s unclear how anyone who hasn’t watched Star Wars, which has been part of the pop culture for over four decades, can still be considered fit to understand its economic influence.
The chosen candidate will have to suffer through nine of the most overhyped and exhausting movies of all time. They will need to invest nearly 20 hours of their life that they’ll never get back, all while realizing that most of the series’ fans have only seen the films because of societal pressure, rather than the actual quality of the movies.
But wait, this is not just a simple marathon; the poor soul will have to sit through the Hayden Christensen “acting”, an atrocious performance that has been the bane of Star Wars fans’ existence since the release of the prequel trilogy.
The website also claims that the person they’re looking for should have no preconceived notions about the franchise. So, basically, they want someone who has been living in an alternate universe for their entire life. Sure, let’s find that elusive person!
To top it off, the chosen candidate will have to provide a detailed review of every single film in the Skywalker saga. This job is not for the faint of heart, as you will likely need to consume a lot of caffeinated drinks and adrenaline just to stay awake while watching Jar Jar Binks perform his war dance.
So, why would anyone subject themselves to such a grueling experience? Well, according to the website, it’s all in the name of financial education. They claim that the Star Wars franchise has generated billions of dollars worldwide, and they want to know how.
We at the news desk firmly believe that financial analysts could just watch a few minutes of the movies, instead of torturing one poor sap who has somehow managed to avoid watching them thus far.
In conclusion, we have only this to say: if you don’t want to watch Star Wars, don’t do it. No amount of money can make up for the misery you’ll endure while watching sevens films that are mediocre at best. And if you’re a Star Wars fan and are tempted by the website’s offer, just remember: this is probably the fourth-worst time investment you’ll make in your life, the top three being the prequels themselves.
