Toronto Zoo’s Baby White Rhino Gets a Name: Not That You Cared
In what can only be described as ground-breaking news in the world of baby animal names, the Toronto Zoo has officially announced the name of its baby white rhino. And trust us, you definitely should care.
After weeks of painstaking deliberation (okay, it was probably more like a quick Google search for Swahili names), the zoo has officially christened the rhino calf as Kifaru. We know what you’re thinking: “Wow, I’ve never felt more emotionally invested in a rhino’s name before.”
But before you start celebrating this momentous occasion, let’s take a moment to reflect on all the other infant animals out there who have yet to receive such a grandiose naming ceremony. I mean, where were the press conferences for the baby squirrels? The goslings? The tadpoles? It’s a travesty, really.
Nevertheless, let’s talk more about Kifaru, shall we? The name, which means “rhinoceros” in Swahili, is undoubtedly fitting for the small yet mighty creature. Perhaps the Toronto Zoo can start a new trend of simply naming animals what they are. I mean, why call a giraffe “Giraffey” when you can just call them “Longneck”? Genius.
For those of you who are wondering what Kifaru has been up to since birth, the answer is not much. Just eating, sleeping, and pooping – you know, typical baby stuff. But let’s be real, that’s what we’re all doing during quarantine anyways, so Kifaru is basically living his best life.
The Toronto Zoo has reported that Kifaru is healthy and doing well under the care of his mother, Zohari. But let’s not be naive here – Kifaru’s life is already predetermined. He’s going to spend the next several years growing to become a massive rhinoceros, only to be imprisoned in a zoo for the rest of his life. I mean, sure he gets three meals a day, but at what cost?
And let’s not forget that rhinos are an endangered species, largely due to human activities such as poaching and habitat destruction. Congratulations, Kifaru, you now have the weight of an entire species’ survival on your tiny rhino shoulders. No pressure or anything.
But hey, at least Kifaru gets to live out his days in Toronto. The city is known for its thriving rhinoceros population, after all. Oh wait, it has zero rhinos? Well, at least Kifaru will be a unique addition to the zoo. We can already see the throngs of tourists clamoring to get a glimpse of the baby rhino, until they realize that he’s just sleeping and decide to watch the pandas instead.
In conclusion, Kifaru’s name reveal is a momentous occasion that will undoubtedly go down in history as one of the most important events of our time. Or at least, that’s what the Toronto Zoo would like us to believe. We wish Kifaru all the best, and hope that one day he can live out his days in the wild where he belongs. Until then, we’ll be over here losing sleep over the existential implications of naming baby animals.
