In what can only be described as a total shock to the residents of North Carolina, a big bear somehow managed to emerge from a small vent hole in the town of Asheville. Yes, you read that right, a gigantic bear squeezed its mammoth body through a tiny vent hole. We can only imagine the look on its face when it emerged, realizing that it had arrived in a state where pickled pig feet are considered a delicacy.
Many people are understandably questioning how such a big animal was able to fit through such a small opening. One resident, who wished to remain anonymous, told us that they believed the bear must have trained in some sort of underground escape artist program. While another suggested that it was clearly practicing for a forthcoming stint on America’s Got Talent.
It’s no surprise that the local law enforcement was quick to respond to this unusual event, with Police Chief, Charlie Anderson, confirming that they had dispatched animal control to the area. However, when they arrived, the bear had already taken off and was last seen heading for the nearest Chinese restaurant, presumably looking to take advantage of their ‘ All You Can Eat’ policy.
The community has been left in a state of shock and awe, with many people wondering what kind of bear could fit in such a small space, let alone fit in their very own homes. One resident, whose home is in the vicinity, told us that they could hear the bear clanging around in their ventilation system and thought that they were being attacked by a burglar. Upon realizing that it was, in fact, a bear, the caller said that they promptly retreated to their panic room, which, as it turns out, is the only safe place for citizens during a bear invasion.
In response to this unprecedented event, the Mayor of Asheville, Esther D. Manheimer, issued a statement suggesting that citizens double-check their vent covers to ensure that their feathered companions aren’t providing entrance to unwanted strangers. And that residents should make sure to double-lock their doors, lest they become the next unwitting host of a big, furry house guest.
The North Carolina State Parks and Recreation department have also issued a warning to campers, advising them to keep their tents closed at all times. They have also added extra signage reminding hikers and walkers that, in order to survive a bear encounter, they should make themselves look bigger and louder than the bear, which, according to sources, isn’t hard to do in North Carolina.
In conclusion, it is hard to know what to make of this event, but one thing is for sure; North Carolina is now officially off-limits to bears who cannot fit through a normal-sized vent hole. As for the bear, maybe it was just looking for an air-conditioned lily pad on a hot summer’s day. We can only hope it found what it was looking for.
