St. Augustine, Florida – In a truly surprising turn of events, the first-ever Florida Man Games was held this past weekend in St. Augustine. While many were skeptical of the event’s success, it proved to be a startling success, attracting crowds from all over the state.
The premise of the Games was simple: participants had to complete a series of tasks that epitomized the average Florida Man’s behavior. This included everything from wrestling alligators to drinking at a bar before 8am, and even attempting to steal a police car.
Despite the dangerous nature of the challenges, participants were eager to compete, with many stating that they had been waiting their entire lives for an event like this. “I’ve been training for this moment since I was six years old,” said one participant, who wished to remain anonymous.
The Games kicked off with a race in which contestants had to outrun a pack of rabid raccoons. Although several participants suffered bites, they were quickly bandaged up and sent on their way, ready to take on the next challenge.
One particularly thrilling event was the “Wet T-Shirt Contest (for Men).” While normally a staple of Spring Break festivities, the Games’ organizers decided to include it in order to ensure that Florida’s proud tradition of objectifying women was well-represented. Smooth-skinned contestants strutted their stuff to a panel of judges, all dressed in jean shorts and old Hooters t-shirts. The winner received a $50 prize and an all-expenses-paid trip to the nearest strip
