“Zoo’s Parrots Make Progress in Language and Manners: Staff Pleasantly Surprised”
In a shocking turn of events, the foul-mouthed parrots at the local zoo have been making strides in their language and manners. The staff, who were previously afraid to bring their children around the aviary, are now pleasantly surprised by the progress these feathered friends have made.
For years, visitors have been scandalized by the inappropriate language spewed forth by these winged creatures. Parents would cover their children’s ears as they walked past the parrot exhibit, hoping to shield their young ones from the profanity-laced tirades. But it seems that all of that might be coming to an end.
According to one zookeeper, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from his bird overlords, the parrots have undergone a complete transformation. “It’s like they’re different birds,” he said. “They speak in full sentences now, and their vocabulary has expanded beyond curse words and insults. We couldn’t be more proud.”
So how did this miraculous change come about? The zoo claims that it’s due to a new program they’ve instituted which involves positive reinforcement and a strict “no-swearing” policy. Whenever the parrots utter a polite phrase such as “Excuse me” or “Please,” they are rewarded with a treat or a head scratch. Conversely, whenever they let loose with a four-letter word, they are ignored or given a timeout.
While this may seem like common sense to some, the zoo staff was initially skeptical. “We were worried that the parrots would rebel and start spewing even more profanity,” said the anonymous zookeeper. “But it seems like they respond well to positive reinforcement. Who knew?”
Visitors to the zoo have noticed the change as well. “It’s really amazing,” said one family of four. “Last year, we had to have a talk with our kids about why it’s wrong to repeat the things the parrots were saying. This year, we don’t have to worry about that at all. It’s a relief.”
Of course, there are still some challenges. The parrots occasionally slip up and let loose with a colorful phrase or two. But overall, the progress they’ve made is impressive. The zoo is hoping to expand the program to other animals, such as the grumpy old tortoise who has a tendency to hiss at visitors.
As for the parrots, they seem to be enjoying their newfound language skills. “Hello!” said one brightly-colored bird, when approached by a reporter. “How are you today? Would you like to hear a joke?” The reporter, who was expecting a barrage of f-bombs and insults, was caught off guard. “Uh, sure,” she said.
“Why did the chicken cross the road?” asked the parrot.
“I don’t know, why?”
“To get to the other side!” said the parrot, bursting into a fit of laughter. The reporter couldn’t help but laugh along. It seems that this is a brave new world for all of us.
