Pizza lovers unite! A new pizza has been created that is topped with an impressive 1,001 varieties of cheese, all baked to gooey perfection in the land of love and snobbery, France.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why stop at a measly 1,001 types of cheese? Couldn’t the creators of this cheese-covered concoction have thrown in a few more just to make it an even 1,005? But no, apparently 1,001 varieties of cheese is the peak of cheese topping perfection.
Let’s break this down, shall we? One thousand and one types of cheese. That’s a lot of variety. Do they all taste different? I highly doubt it. And don’t get me started on the logistics of actually acquiring 1,001 types of cheese. Can I go to my local grocery store and pick up some gouda from the Netherlands, Casu Marzu from Italy, and Roquefort from France? Doubtful.
But wait, there’s more. This pizza is baked in France, the home of fine cuisine and snooty food critics. Can you imagine the pressure the chefs were under to create the perfect 1,001-cheese pizza? The pressure of the entire country resting on their shoulders. “What if the cheese isn’t up to par?” they probably thought. “What if the customers can’t taste all 1,001 varieties? Will they think less of us as chefs?”
And let’s talk about the actual flavor for a moment. I can only imagine what eating this pizza would be like. One bite, and you’re hit with a wave of cheesy overload. Your taste buds are probably so overwhelmed they don’t know what to do. “Is this Parmesan? No, wait, is it goat cheese? Oh god, I can’t keep up!”
This pizza also raises a few questions. Are all 1,001 cheeses evenly distributed on the pizza, or are some cheeses more prevalent than others? Could you sneak in a few extra slices of your personal favorite cheese, or is that sacrilege? And how do you even begin to count how many types of cheese are on the pizza? Does someone sit there with a notebook, categorizing each slice of cheese?
But let’s be real, we all know the only reason this pizza exists is for publicity. “Look at us,” the creators are probably saying. “We made a pizza with 1,001 varieties of cheese. We’re so fancy and innovative.” Well, congratulations. You’ve succeeded in creating a pizza that is a logistical nightmare, probably tastes overwhelming, and is only worth it for the bragging rights.
In conclusion, the 1,001-cheese pizza is impressive in its absurdity. It’s a pizza that probably should never have been made, but here we are. If you’re feeling adventurous and have a spare $100 lying around, go ahead and give it a try. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
