A German man has shattered the world record for the fastest time taken to drink a cup of coffee, managing to down the beverage in just 3.12 seconds. Unbelievable? Yes. Impressive? Meh.
The incredible feat, which has left coffee aficionados everywhere staring at their mugs with newfound respect, took place at a small café in Berlin. The record was previously held by a Japanese man who had managed to slurp down his java juice in 4.47 seconds. Well, take that Japan!
The impressive showing from the German coffee-destroyer, identified only as “Hans”, was not without its detractors. Some have claimed that the event was rigged, pointing to suspiciously empty containers and the fact that the coffee did not appear to be of high quality. Others have simply called the entire spectacle a waste of good coffee.
Despite these naysayers, Hans remains enthusiastic about his performance. “It is my passion to drink coffee,” he said in a statement after his victory. “I have been training for this moment for years, consuming huge quantities of caffeine and mastering the art of the gulp.” And you thought you were dedicated to your morning brew.
The process was said to involve careful preparation on Hans’ part, including weeks of intense training and meticulous selection of the right coffee cup. The cup was not too large, not too heavy, and according to Hans, was the perfect shape to facilitate speedy ingestion. Because, clearly, drinking coffee requires an engineering degree.
The event has sparked a renewed interest in speed-drinking, with other coffee enthusiasts around the globe attempting to break the record. Some have even suggested that the Olympic committee should introduce coffee-drinking to the next games as an official sport. I mean, why not? There’s synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics, why not add a little caffeine rush to the mix?
Despite the buzz surrounding the event, some worry about the potential damage to the coffee industry. “This is not what coffee is meant for,” one prominent coffee mogul was quoted as saying. “It is meant to be savoured, to be sipped, to be enjoyed. Not gulped down like a shot of tequila.” But hey, isn’t the commercialization of everything the American way? No? Ok then.
As for Hans, he has already set his sights on breaking more records. “I have my eye on the pancake-eating and hotdog-devouring records,” he quipped. “But for now, I will bask in the glory of my coffee-drinking championship.” Because apparently, consuming large quantities of food at an alarming pace is the new way to gain fame and fortune.
So there you have it folks, the new world record for coffee-drinking has been set. We can all rest easy now knowing that at least one man has perfected the art of the gulp. What’s next, a record for the fastest time in spitting out coffee? Let’s hope not.
