In a stunning revelation that nobody saw coming, daytime talk show host Maury Povich announced today that he has the results of a paternity test for an orangutan at the Denver Zoo.
Yes, you read that right – Maury Povich, known for his sensationalist and often ridiculous DNA tests, has now taken his theatrics to the animal kingdom. Because why not?
According to sources, the orangutan in question had multiple suitors and it was unclear which one was the father of her offspring. This is where Povich comes in, bringing his signature catchphrase “You are the father!” to the primate world.
The announcement has sparked outrage among animal rights activists who say that the privacy of these animals should be respected and sensationalizing their lives with paternity tests is unethical. However, Povich remains undeterred, saying in a statement, “The people have a right to know who the daddy is!”
The Denver Zoo has yet to comment on the matter, but it’s safe to assume they are not thrilled with the attention this is bringing to their facility. After all, the zoo is meant to be a place of education and conservation, not a venue for TV hosts to conduct paternity tests on resident orangutans.
Many are wondering what kind of precedent this could set for the future. Will we start seeing Maury Povich conducting paternity tests on all kinds of animals? Will he start hosting a special series called “Who’s Your Daddy: Animal Edition”?
We reached out to Povich for comment on these concerns, but his publicist told us that he was busy preparing for his upcoming “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” guest appearance and was unavailable.
As the story circulates on social media, many are taking to Twitter to express their disbelief and amusement at the situation. Some are even suggesting that this is a sign of the impending apocalypse.
But amidst all the chaos, one thing is clear: Maury Povich remains unchanged. He is still the same sensationalist talk show host who will stop at nothing to make a splash. Only this time, he’s doing it with orangutans.
Whether this sets a dangerous precedent for the future of zoos or is simply a ridiculous one-off, one thing is for sure: we can always count on Maury Povich to provide us with entertainment, no matter how bizarre it may be.
