Texas Woman Breaks Record for Baking for 55 Hours Straight
In what can only be described as the greatest feat of human endurance since Forrest Gump ran across the United States, a Texas woman has managed to bake for 55 hours straight in an attempt to set a new world record.
The woman, whose identity remains anonymous, reportedly subsisted on nothing but coffee and stale bagels during her baking marathon. She emerged from her kitchen looking like a cross between a zombie and a character from The Walking Dead.
When asked why she attempted such a ridiculous feat, the Texas native was heard muttering something about “chasing her dreams” and “making her mama proud”. We can only assume that her mama’s dream was to have a daughter who could bake a seemingly endless supply of cookies and cakes.
As news of this incredible baking marathon spread, social media lit up with messages of support and admiration. One Twitter user even went as far as to say that the woman’s incredible feat was proof that “anything is possible if you believe in yourself and have access to a well-stocked pantry”.
Of course, there were also skeptics who questioned the validity of the world record attempt. One self-proclaimed baking expert suggested that the woman may have “faked” her marathon by simply reusing the same batch of dough over and over again. We can only assume that this person has never attempted to bake anything themselves because as any novice baker knows, the chances of producing consistent and edible results for that long a period are slim to none.
Regardless of the naysayers, the woman’s attempt has been officially recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records, much to the chagrin of a group of Italian nonnas who reportedly hold the previous record for longest continuous baking session.
So what happens now that the record has been broken? Will the woman retire to her kitchen to bask in the glow of her accomplishment? Will she get her own cooking show on the Food Network? Or will she simply revert back to being a normal person who occasionally bakes when the mood strikes her?
Only time will tell. But one thing is for sure; the world of baking has a new hero today, and her accomplishments will be remembered by bakers and carb enthusiasts alike for generations to come.
