Man Receives Award for Having Too Much Time and Externalizing Obsessive Tendencies
Iowa resident John Johnson has officially earned himself a spot in the esteemed Guinness World Records thanks to his jaw-dropping collection of 69,255 pencils. Yes, you read that correctly. Pencils.
At a ceremony held last Thursday, Johnson eagerly accepted his award, speechless and red in the face, probably from all of the time he spent hunched over his desk counting and organizing his pencil collection instead of engaging in meaningful human relationships. Rather than being applauded for his eccentricity, perhaps we should be questioning how he has all this extra time on his hands and if there is anything else he could be doing that is more productive or beneficial to others.
When asked about his passion for pencils, Mr. Johnson delivered a speech full of references to the countless hours he has spent on eBay, rummaging yard sales or even picking up broken pencils from the ground. We believe that his ability to turn his obsession into a hobby is both admirable and a unique display of self-righteousness.
Collecting pencils is not exactly a challenging endeavor nor a meaningful contribution to society. One could argue that it may even be a waste of pencil resources that could have been used for a purpose other than sitting around in a display case for an unnecessary world record. We salute John Johnson for his experiences with going beyond rationality and demonstrating perseverance in a meaningless pursuit.
At a time when there is serious concern about the amount of trash that people are generating, it is great to know there are those like Johnson who are preserving a much-neglected item like pencils that nobody uses in the 21st century. With this achievement, it is uncertain whether Johnson will continue or stop his collection efforts, but what is clear is that he has accomplished what he set out to do: Bury any hope of finding oneself living a fulfilling and well-rounded life.
At the end of the day, we cannot help but wonder if this whole pencil collection thing is some kind of practical joke. Is this John Johnson really that passionate about a utensil that we only used in elementary school? Did he truly make enough money to live off this record? Was there even any effortful work behind this other than just finding a basis for self validation?
Regardless, we admire John Johnson for pursuing his passion, for his unwavering dedication to something so truly irrelevant and most of all, for giving us something to ponder over many, many cups of coffee.
