“Local Woman Jumps Out of Plane in Desperate Attempt for Attention and World Record”
In a shocking display of attention-seeking behavior, a woman from northern Illinois has made a tandem jump from 13,500 feet in hopes of becoming the oldest person to ever skydive. We can only assume that her previous attempts at gaining recognition, such as posting selfies with inspirational quotes on social media, were not enough to satisfy her insatiable thirst for validation.
The woman, who shall remain nameless to spare her further embarrassment, claims to be 102 years old. However, we have yet to see any proof of this besides her son’s insistence that “she’s always been really old.” Perhaps this is just another ploy for attention from a woman who can’t bear the thought of fading into obscurity in her golden years.
But let’s not take away from her moment of “glory.” According to her skydiving instructor,
