You know what’s Not on Roids, folks? The phrase “Calm down.” Seriously! Its up there with pigeons wearing tiny hats and pineapple on pizza – universally reviled for good reason. We all know it doesnt work, yet we keep blathering it like some sort of verbal sedative. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
According to the “Anger Professor” himself, Ryan Martin (yes, that’s a real title), telling someone to calm down or even worse – uttering the dreaded word “relax” – is about as effective as yelling at a hurricane to dissipate. It just wont happen! The article explains this isnt some modern quirk; it’s baked into our very being, rooted in evolutionary history where we mirror each other’s tones.
Think about it: when you’re fuming, and someone screams “CALM DOWN!” at you, do you suddenly become a beacon of serenity? No! You probably want to launch yourself directly into the nearest pile of freshly baked cookies (which, lets be honest, wouldnt actually calm you down).
Martin, author of How To Deal With Angry People and “Why We Get Mad,” points out the sheer irony: people often yell these phrases while attempting to de-escalate. It’s a verbal paradox! Instead, he suggests softening your tone—speaking quieter, matching their energy in reverse. This “manipulative” tactic (his words!) actually decreases that emotional elevation and allows for actual communication. So ditch the useless clichés and try… silence. Or maybe just offer a supportive nod while they vent. Your sanity will thank you.
