Really? Smart Underwear Now?!
Seriously? Is this what weve come to? Apparently, someone somewhere decided the biggest problem facing humanity was… tracking farts. Because, you know, world hunger, climate change, political instability – those are all important, sure, but have we really explored the vital data points emanating from our nether regions? No! We needed smart underwear for that.
I can just picture the brainstorming session: How can we make people feel even more self-conscious about a perfectly natural bodily function? And then, like a lightning bolt of pure absurdity, someone shouted, “Underwear sensors!” Brilliant! Let’s strap technology to our most private parts so we can meticulously chart gas production. Im sure this will revolutionize… something. Maybe competitive flatulence?
The researchers claim its for digestive health monitoring. Right. Because that information is best shared with the world, or at least stored in a cloud somewhere vulnerable to hackers who now have access to your… emissions data. Imagine the dating profile: “Enthusiast of probiotic supplements and meticulous flatulence tracking.”
I’m genuinely bewildered. Were hurtling towards some dystopian future where every aspect of our existence is quantified, analyzed, and commodified, starting with the sounds from below. Just… stop. Please. Let people fart in peace.
