The Worlds Biggest Fish? Seriously?
Let’s just pause here for a moment, shall we? A collective gasp of disbelief is probably appropriate. Guinness World Records, purveyors of such vital and essential information as most marshmallows eaten in one minute, have bestowed their prestigious imprimatur upon…a giant, animatronic fish attached to a parade float. Apparently, this aquatic monstrosity, courtesy of the UPS store (because of course its the UPS store), has achieved “largest animatronic fish” status.
I’m genuinely struggling to find the words. Is this what we’ve come to? Are we celebrating the pinnacle of human ingenuity in a mechanized, oversized herring? Meanwhile, scientists are tirelessly researching cures for diseases, artists are striving to create works of profound beauty, and engineers are tackling climate change…and were awarding accolades for a glorified parade prop.
This isn’t progress; it’s absurdity enshrined. It’s the triumph of spectacle over substance, of marketing ploys over meaningful accomplishment. I can only imagine the sheer volume of plastic and wiring involved in this endeavor, likely contributing more to pollution than it does to…well, anything worthwhile. And for what? Bragging rights about a record no one asked for and that will be utterly meaningless next year when someone builds an even bigger animatronic something-or-other. Truly remarkable. Just… truly remarkable.
